As a recovering slut I’ve acquired sexual knowledge that it takes most people a lifetime to obtain. Therefore my sexual urges no longer control me. As much as I’m attracted to you I’m still likely to turn down your sexual proposition. All sex isn’t good sex.
~ Outdoor Sex- Knowing that anyone can see you at any moment adds to the thrill but for the most part outdoor sex is a terrible idea. Especially when you end up with mosquito bites in places that can’t easily be scratched.
~ Half-Hearted Sex- This is when one of the parties doesn’t really want to do it but does it anyway. Believe me when I tell you there’s nothing worse than getting a blow job from someone whose heart just isn’t in it.
~ Triple Overtime Sex- Sex that seems like it will never end. As a good friend of mine so eloquently put it- “You ain’t gon just be fuckin me all day.”
I’d always hear women complain about ‘one minute men’, so I figured that lasting for an hour would make me the man. But I found out that women (and later on most bottoms) don’t appreciate when you go so long that you turn their hole into the Lincoln tunnel. Triple Overtime Sex Defiantly demands the use of a “Wrap It Up” sign.
~ Grenade Sex- Take one for the team sex.
Your homeboy is cozying up to a dime, but he needs you to run interference on one of the dime’s less-than-stellar friends. It’s a dreadful day when you hear the words "Come on man, take one for the team and jump on the grenade"
~ “Maybe I should’ve seen your papers before we did this” sex- #dotheymakeantibioticsforthat
~ “I didn’t agree to that” sex- Did he just….?
~ Is That An Ingrown Hair??? sex – You believe them but you watch the bump the whole time. You may even fake some stomach kisses and a hand job in order to get closer to the offending blemish to check it out thoroughly. All in all it’s very distracting from getting yours.
~ Too many rules sex- “We can have sex BUT ”:
Dont touch _____, _____ and ____.
I dont do ____,____,and ____.
Dont ___,____ and ____.
You should only be allowed 2 REASONABLE rules. More than three and you gotta go.
~ I want to fuck and they want to be romantic sex– This is self explanatory. The two just dont mix.
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17 COMMENTS:
Awesome!
Awesome!
Awesome!
hahaha! My favorite...(as a woman) the last one. I hate when guys wanna cuddle sometimes. :)
Dude don't stay away from us this long again!
i totally agree with you on the "too many rules" sex. ran into a couple of those guys. prissy queens who don't know how to have a good time.
but i disagree with your ruling on "triple overtime sex". when the sex is great, the rhythm is there, why not make it last. it's the bad sex you want to get over with.
"grenade sex"???
never had that. i guess i'm not one with the team. i hunt a-l-o-n-e!!
:)~
HUGZ
the ingrown hair sex....haha. those lit'l round bumps that catch your attention...omg I can't let it go, sucha a distraction.
yay, fun new blog to follow! whoa!
Sometimes, you just need to step away from the Blog for awhile, eh?
I had was just thinking of a too-many-rules incident, but it was DEFINITELY a minipulation ploy, and not a princess play. And marathons are best for special occasions, and not a regular feature. Sweating all over a loved one is not sexy.
Thanks for a great laugh and for sharing something that we all discuss but deny to be the truth!
You really shouldn't stay away so long. Glad you are back. I have to agree about Triple Overtime Sex. Maybe one could install those flashy lights like they use so comedians know when their time is up?
Triple overtime sex is the opposite of Rabbit sex which is 30 seconds or 5 strokes (whichever comes first) and they are done. Although in the right situation I get a nice power feeling from making him cum like he's a 16 year old. LOL
It is good that you are back blogging. The triple time sex is no longer an issue as you get older. You tend to just want to catch the next episode of True Blood...lol.
Please keep writing.
Professor Locs
http://professorlocs.typepad.com/professor-locs/
I hope you're back for good, your blog is awesome. As a bottom, I'd say Triple Overtime Sex is mostly a chore (when you start to feel your asshole chafe), but fun if really, really horny. ;)
New reader here. I love your blog, you are hilarious.
It's about time you came back! Ditto on the outdoor sex. Luckily my mosquitoe bites were just on my arms and not near my nether regions lol.
Missed you much, welcome back! Lovin this post it certainly has me thinking about a few dirty and sexual thoughts... oh well.
I can relate to all of them including, "...mosquito bites in places that can’t easily be scratched," and especially the Triple Overtime Sex.
I hate to be fucked. I like the idea of being fucked, but I hate to be fucked. Especially when it becomes so long and intense that I start to feel that with the heat and the friction that he must want to start a forest fire back there. I sometimes wish that I could reach for the light switch and flip it on and off and yell, "Last call!"
I would like to add ugly duckling sex.
When they show up and they're about as ugly as humanly possible despite the dozens of photos they sent that gave you a raging leaking hard on. You end up sending them packing but jacking off to their photos.
LOL! This is absolutely hilarious but sooooooooo true. LOL. You and I are a LOT alike. Funny stuff.
LOL @ Curious..."Last Call!" LOL.
Dude when r u cummin' back?
Everything's is always better when your heart's in it and the rules don't matter...
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