Whenever I meet someone for casual sex off one of these online hook-up sites or chat-lines I’m always disenchanted by the fact that dudes don’t know the Hook-Up Rules. Fuck Buddies are also notorious habitual offenders that don’t adhere to the Hook-Up Rules. Some shit is just common sense. Some shit is just common courtesy. Whatever the case there are some common laws you should obey when you walk thru my door. They all rank the same in importance so there is no particular order:
Rule #1- Don’t Attempt To Hold Conversations With Me:
You are here simply for sex. If I wanted to talk I would have called one of my friends over. Just get your ass in the bed and get them boxers off.
Rule #2-Leave My Shit Alone!:
Don’t be touching my T.V trying to watch my damn cable. Don’t touch my radio, or my computer. As a matter of fact just stay away from all electrical shit period! You don’t pay no bills around here.
Rule #3- Don’t Go In My Refrigerator:
This ain’t no damn grocery store. If you’re thirsty or hungry you need to stop by a McDonalds or Gas station and get everything you need before you come to my house.
Rule #4- No Spending The Night:
After you see me cum the next thing you should see is the door!
Rule #5- Stop Asking Me Personal Questions:
What does it matter to you where I work or what I do for a living??? The only thing you should be worried about is making me bust a nut.
Rule #6 - Do Not Contact Me Without A Sexual Intent:
I don‘t care to receive your “How was your day?” and “What you up to?“ text messages. Don’t be asking me for no rides and don’t be asking to borrow no money. The only time we need to communicate is when we are arranging our rendezvous and a simple “Whats up with that dick?“ will do just fine.
Rule #7- Do Not Ask Me To Do Nothing We Ain’t Already Discussed:
No I will not suck your dick. I told you on the phone I wanted some ass.
Rule #8- No I’m Not Giving You A Massage:
We are both adults. You already knew what you were coming here for so I should not have to ease you into anything. Plus you ain’t my man.
Rule #9- There Is No Cuddling Afterwards:
I don’t like you like that.
Rule #10- Falling In Love With Me Is Strictly Prohibited:
POINT. BLANK. PERIOD
Rule #1- Don’t Attempt To Hold Conversations With Me:
You are here simply for sex. If I wanted to talk I would have called one of my friends over. Just get your ass in the bed and get them boxers off.
Rule #2-Leave My Shit Alone!:
Don’t be touching my T.V trying to watch my damn cable. Don’t touch my radio, or my computer. As a matter of fact just stay away from all electrical shit period! You don’t pay no bills around here.
Rule #3- Don’t Go In My Refrigerator:
This ain’t no damn grocery store. If you’re thirsty or hungry you need to stop by a McDonalds or Gas station and get everything you need before you come to my house.
Rule #4- No Spending The Night:
After you see me cum the next thing you should see is the door!
Rule #5- Stop Asking Me Personal Questions:
What does it matter to you where I work or what I do for a living??? The only thing you should be worried about is making me bust a nut.
Rule #6 - Do Not Contact Me Without A Sexual Intent:
I don‘t care to receive your “How was your day?” and “What you up to?“ text messages. Don’t be asking me for no rides and don’t be asking to borrow no money. The only time we need to communicate is when we are arranging our rendezvous and a simple “Whats up with that dick?“ will do just fine.
Rule #7- Do Not Ask Me To Do Nothing We Ain’t Already Discussed:
No I will not suck your dick. I told you on the phone I wanted some ass.
Rule #8- No I’m Not Giving You A Massage:
We are both adults. You already knew what you were coming here for so I should not have to ease you into anything. Plus you ain’t my man.
Rule #9- There Is No Cuddling Afterwards:
I don’t like you like that.
Rule #10- Falling In Love With Me Is Strictly Prohibited:
POINT. BLANK. PERIOD
7 COMMENTS:
Can we add an immediate rejection policy if the guy doesn't look exactly like his photo? I mean a heads up that "hey I've gained two hundred pounds" or "I've decided to become a hari krishna and shaved all of my sexy hair off" would be a nice disclaimer for the guys who don't even remotely resemble their pics.
Also the pic at the top of the blog made me think that's prolly exactly how a guy looks after one of your hookups LOL!
loving 2 and 3
Wait ... they go through your fridge? That's some crazy shit right there. I disagree on the small talk bit - some idle chit chat works for me ... but for the most part, it's the perfect list.
OMG! I'm just starting to get into hook-ups, I mean I'm not big on chat lines etc, but I have recently starting testing the waters, and so far my experiences have been good.
It appears you have a set of rules that should be followed by anyone's first visit into your home. "Get naked, get fucked and get out!"
I don't even do hook ups and I know all this stuff. You mess with some emotionally needy or stupid dudes. Or they want a man, not just a dick.
I love this list! It is the best! May I please repost this on my blog?? It is awesome!!
agree with YABG...
Some guys are going on hook ups to fill a void (and it ain't the one in their keester!)...
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